I’ve been chilling on Tenerife’s beaches for the past days. A hot Sahara wind made it impossible to move much further than from my beach towel to the sea and back. A cultural critic is of course never really on vacation, even when it’s on the beach. Here a few of my observations about beach culture in Tenerife:
- To go to the beach you need a bikini with frays.
- It’s cool to have your kid’s face tattooed on your belly. Or at least show off one tattoo somewhere around your lower part.
- It’s okay to show tits on the beach but the pussy has to be hidden from view. So keep your bikini bottoms on but try to minimise the surface it covers.
- It’s easier to think about being positive while chilling on the beach. My neighbor was reading Ser Positivo and looked quite happy doing so.
- I remember the blue cool boxes from when I was little in Belgium. Very comforting to see they are still in business. Tenerifian people use them to bring their paella to the beach.
- There’s a thing like semi-G-Strings in Tenerife, so my friend pointed out to me. It consists of putting your bikini bottom in your bum crack.
- It’s good to have your flip-flops on when you walk that short stretch from your beach towel to the sea over a 33 degrees heated black sanded beach.
- Music bands come to play in Tenerife as an end of career when they no longer get invited somewhere else. Like Aerosmith playing on July 8. This I found out on my way to the beach.
